


Make Me Feel

by writingboom



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Grinding, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, baby boys in love, but w a little angst cause it’s them, idk I went over board with this, kind of, they’re just in love and wanna touch each other sue me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingboom/pseuds/writingboom
Summary: It’s happening again.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 12
Kudos: 791





	Make Me Feel

It's happening again. 

They’ve been dating for almost 6 months now. 6 months of soft kisses and kind, gentle touches, sweet eyes and long hours at band practice. Uenoyama hasn't loved anything this much since he first learned guitar. It's just as frightening as it is amazing. 

But now, it's happening again. 

They had a performance tonight. It's the first one they've had since the first week of school, and now, just like back then, Mafuyu is sleeping over. 

So. There's that. 

_ Last time _ Uenoyama was nervous. All that ended up happening was that he comforted Mafuyu after another Yuki thought and then they tangled up together in Uenoyama’s bed. But this time...

Mafuyu brought an extra bag. 

Now, Uenoyama doesn't know what's in it, and honestly, he's not sure if he wants to. He has a suspicion he knows, but also he doesn't want to assume, and he doesn't want to jump to any conclusions about what  _ Mafuyu  _ wants, and- 

Ugh. 

His father and sister are both home tonight anyways. Thankfully, his sister hasn't said anything to their parents, but it's still a daunting thing. She gave him looks all night last night, and this morning, looks like,  _ “if I hear anything suspicious you'll never hear the end of it.”  _

That's fair. If Uenoyama  _ did  _ anything suspicious he’d probably never forgive himself. But that doesn't stop his horny side from  _ thinking  _ about it, unfortunately. 

They haven't done much, him and Mafuyu. His boyfriend is shy, and he has a lot in his head, and it's not exactly like their relationship is built on sexual tension. Uenoyama is just continuing to learn and adjust to him, and be around for him when he needs it, in the  _ ways  _ he needs it. 

They kiss sometimes. When they're alone, and not in public, Uenoyama can't help but kiss him. The more they do it the better they are at it, the hotter it gets, the longer it lasts. The last time they kissed for a while, in the practice room when Haruki-san and Kaji-san were smoking, Mafuyu had licked his bottom lip, and nibbled on it, and to be quite frank Uenoyama almost died on the spot. 

He doesn’t think he’s being dramatic when he says he could kiss Mafuyu forever. 

They had onigiri on the way home, and it's late now. As much as Uenoyama wants to pretend he can maybe drag the inevitable out, he knows he can't. Eventually, they end up standing in the doorway of his room, both staring at the futon on the floor and Uenoyama’s bed. 

“I can sleep on the floor this time, if you want,” Mafuyu suddenly says, quiet as ever. 

Memories of clutching to his boyfriend’s shaking body, listening to strained breathing suddenly flood Uenoyama’s thoughts. He didn't want that again, he didn't even want Mafuyu to have the chance to  _ look  _ at his stupid clock this time. 

“I-” Uenoyama chokes on the words before they can even come out. Ugh. 

Mafuyu turns to him, eyes big and gorgeous and somehow equally as terrified as they are excited. “Uenoyama-kun, is it..okay if we cuddle again?” 

Uenoyama feels his cheeks starting to burn, and he just blinks, lost in his stupid boyfriend’s eyes. Is it  _ okay?  _ Uenoyama might die of a heart attack but yeah, yeah. That's okay. 

“I.. I liked it. Last time. It helped-” 

Uenoyama leans forward and kisses him before he can finish that. He doesn't need to explain himself, not now, not ever. Uenoyama doesn't ever need to hear about Yuuki, not from Mafuyu. He knows it's hard enough to  _ think _ about it, much less talk, so why would Uenoyama push him? Mafuyu breathes out heavily through his nose, and lets Uenoyama sweep him closer. 

He gets it. 

Mafuyu kisses him, and it's soft as it always is at first, gentle slides of lips and tentative tilts of his head. Sometimes the way Mafuyu kisses makes Uenoyama think he might break if he presses too hard. Like if his lips press too deeply, Mafuyu will split in half. 

“It’s okay?” Mafuyu barely whispers, pulling away just a hair's length. 

Uenoyama smiles, and presses their foreheads together, “You're such an idiot sometimes.” 

Mafuyu huffs against his lips weakly. Uenoyama kisses him again, and again and again, and in his head it occurs to him that he's pretty sure he's never felt as whole as he does when he holds Mafuyu close like this. Warm, and whole. 

And then, it occurs to him, that they'll be sleeping in the same bed. And hopefully kissing. 

That sends him spiraling just a bit. How could it not? How is Uenoyama supposed to kiss Mafuyu  _ in his bed _ , and not get excited? It's different in the studio, or in hallways, or… It's just  _ different _ okay? This is intimate, it’s-

Mafuyu hums, and then there's that harder kiss, like the other day, a harder kiss and a hand snaking up from Uenoyama's shoulder to his hair. Somehow his heart rate picks up even quicker, if that's even  _ possible,  _ and suddenly he feels like their bodies are too close. Too close. 

Also, the bag. He needs to know. 

He pulls away, even after Mafuyu leans forward to try and keep kissing him, and blinks his eyes open. 

“Uenoyama-”

“W-whats in the…the bag.” 

Mafuyu just blinks and tilts his head softly. “My guitar?” 

“N-no the..the small one,” Uenoyama is having trouble breathing. Is he dying? He feels like he might be dying. 

And yeah, Mafuyu tenses up in his arms and his eyes dart away. Uenoyama is definitely dying right now.

“J-just some school stuff and some.. stuff for sex just-just in case.” 

Uenoyama blinks. He can't even feel his heart anymore. He's a ghost. He died and now he's a ghost. 

“I don't expect anything, or..” Mafuyu’s gaze darts all around, his cheeks are red. “I just didn't know and I doubted you had what we would need so I thought, b-better safe than sorry- U-Uenoyama?” 

Mafuyu’s brows furrow, and he looks at him again, ducking down as if to see under Uenoyama's bangs. “Uenoyama-kun?” 

“R-right!” 

He squeaks, and pulls away, and there's his heartbeat again. Thudding and thudding and  _ ouch.  _ He shoots away, and ruffles his hair, and tries not to scream. This is fine. He had a feeling that was what was in the bag. Does it make him feel better that Mafuyu thinks about that type of stuff? Does it make it worse? Fuck this pressure and anticipation…he's gonna black out again like he did at the concert… 

“U-Uenoyama-kun its okay, I promise, I wasn't gonna bring it up unless-” 

Ah. 

“N-no!” He straightens up quickly, even though his face is burning he meets those big brown eyes head on. “We..we should talk about it, right? We need to. We should. We should do that.” 

Mafuyu blinks a few times and then smiles a little. “Okay.” 

“S-sit?” 

Mafuyu takes his hand, and he almost whines, but he doesn't know why. His face is going to melt off with how hot it is. They both walk and sit down on the edge of Uenoyama’s bed, and Mafuyu takes his hand back. His face is a little red too. 

“I-I know I don't ever bring him up, but with this I sort of need to-”

Ugh. Uenoyama blinks at his jeans as his boyfriend takes a shaky breath. 

“I didn’t… Hm,” Uenoyama clenches his fist as he watches Mafuyu tilt his head up to the ceiling in his peripheral. “Yuuki and I were together our whole lives.” 

Uenoyama tries not to let his heart sink, slowly looking over to see that glazed, off, hurt look in his boyfriend's eyes. He bites his cheek, cause this sucks, but it's important. They need to get it over with. 

“We did a lot…we had sex and stuff all the time.” 

And there it is. Mafuyu looks at him, and Uenoyama doesn’t know if he wants to sigh or kiss him, kiss away the look of anxiety and ache in his eyes. He settles for nodding. 

Eventually Mafuyu looks down at his lap and Uenoyama looks down at his. It’s quiet for a second. Mafuyu breathes in deep and leans back on his hands, and a little of the tension leaves the room. 

“Uenoyama-kun, have you..” 

“N-no,” he rushes, quiet. “I’ve never liked anyone before you, actually. I might have kissed a girl in grade school but I can’t remember.” 

“Mm.” 

It’s a comfortable sounding hum, but it makes Uenoyama’s skin stand on edge somehow. He wants to curl into a ball desperately,  _ god  _ this is so embarrassing. He had a feeling Mafuyu had experience but.. it’s becoming blatantly obvious that they’re so  _ different _ , that Uenoyama is so far behind. There’s no way he  _ won’t  _ do something wrong. 

“I.. I don’t know  _ anything,  _ Mafuyu. About being intimate with a guy.” 

He tentatively looks over, meeting those big eyes, and those pretty puffy cheeks. They stare at eachother for a second, and Uenoyama almost starts freaking out and worrying that he just dug his own grave, but then Mafuyu smiles. 

And it’s not quite a happy smile. It’s sort of…hurt but also nervous and caring, and kind. His lips are curled softly, just the smallest bit of white teeth, eyes closed lightly.

“I do,” Mafuyu says quietly, genuinely. Uenoyama’s heart pounds again. “And you've always been a fast learner, haven’t you Uenoyama-kun?” 

Those eyes flutter open but they’re a little lidded, and a little  _ suggestive _ , and it makes the air leave Uenoyama’s lungs in a rush. 

“N-not always,” he wheezes. 

“You’ve felt more confident kissing me, right?” 

Uenoyama’s breathing stops, eyes fluttering as Mafuyu leans a little closer, light pink dusting his cheeks in the most appealing way Uenoyama’s ever seen in his life. 

“Ah- y-yeah-“

Mafuyu leans close and Uenoyama still isn’t breathing as he presses their lips together as delicate as glass. 

“Uenoyama-kun,” Mafuyu whispers. 

“Yes?” 

“You don’t owe me anything, you know,” his boyfriend says gently, still not even an inch away from his face. Uenoyama can’t stop staring at his lips. 

_ Don’t owe him anything.  _

“I want to make you happy,” Uenoyama breathes, his heart aching with just how  _ honest  _ he feels about those words.

Mafuyu tilts his head to the other side. “You do.” 

Uenoyama’s heart aches. 

“Do I?” 

“Yes,” Mafuyu says, voice  _ just _ delicate and genuine enough to make him believe them. 

“We don’t need to do anything, you know. There’s no-“ 

“I want to,” Uenoyama interrupts. It’s a bit strange having a conversation with their lips barely centimeters apart. “I do want to, though. But only if you’re comfortable and-“

“I know,” Mafuyu smiles weakly. “I’m okay, Uenoyama-kun.” 

They kiss again, then, lightly, but it’s enough to set Uenoyama’s whole body alight with electricity, just like always. He kisses back, face red, and almost flinches when Mafuyu’s hand comes up to cup his jaw. 

And  _ ugh  _ his skin is burning up, he’s getting really hot, and if they kiss all intense again right now there’s no  _ way  _ he won’t get excited . 

But they do, at least a little bit, Mafuyu presses forward and hums pleasantly against his lips. And yeah, this is definitely a problem, because he’s kissing Mafuyu on his bed, just like he’s imagined every single night for the past 6 months. 

He wants to touch. He wants to feel how soft and hot Mafuyu’s skin is under his shirt, wants to run his lips over his neck and make him gasp all light and airy. 

Does….does Mafuyu think about him? Or does.. or does he still think about-

His thoughts short circuit as Mafuyu suddenly kisses harder, and shifts, and  _ swings a thigh across Uenoyama’s lap.  _

Straddling him. 

“I think about you,” Mafuyu whispers against his lips. “I think about  _ this _ , you know.” 

Uenoyama gulps, and tentatively kisses Mafuyu back as he dips down again, arms around his shoulders, mind empty because of the heat over his thighs. He can’t bring himself to reach out and put his hands on Mafuyu for the  _ life  _ of him

“Uenoyama-kun, we don’t have to, tonight-“

“I want to,” Uenoyama pants, quickly putting his hands on jean covered thighs, and losing the battle to keep himself away from arousal. “Y-you have no idea how much I want to touch you, Mafuyu.” 

And god, he sounds like  _ such  _ a virgin.  _ Man up, Uenoyama, come on- _

Mafuyu huffs against him, a weak,  _ real _ laugh, and then ducks around to breathe in Uenoyama’s ear, and he’s suddenly  _ very  _ glad Mafuyu is far enough down his lap to not feel how excited he is. 

“I want to touch you too,” Mafuyu breathes, voice lower and shakier than Uenoyama’s ever heard him, and he knows right then and there that he’s going to hear those words in his head for the rest of his life. 

He swallows down his nerves, forces himself to breathe, and leans to breathe into Mafuyu’s ear too.

“Then  _ do it.”  _

Honestly, Uenoyama isn’t sure what he expected to happen with those words, what he thought Mafuyu would do. Maybe kiss him again, maybe grab his hair, or sneak under his shirt or something. It definitely  _ isn’t  _ what he ends up doing. 

It definitely  _ isn’t  _ reaching down and cupping Uenoyama’s dick through his jeans. 

A moan is ripped from his throat before he can even register it, the pressure on his erection shooting pleasure sharply up his spine, and he’s never moaned before. He doesn’t even get to finish, cause immediately he’s falling back onto the mattress and Mafuyu has a hand quickly over his mouth to muffle him. 

“ _ Uenoyama-kun!” _

And that definitely doesn’t help the racing of Uenoyama’s heart. Mafuyu  _ giggled  _ his name.  _ Giggled it,  _ all hushed and full of happiness and humor and awe. 

And he’s still giggling, as Uenoyama’s eyes shoot wide open. He can’t breathe as he sees the sweet, soft smile on Mafuyu’s face. Eyes squeezed shut, face red, so  _ so  _ unfairly gorgeous.

Ugh. Is it even legal for a person to be  _ this in love?  _

“ _ You can’t make noise!”  _ Mafuyu hisses, still smiling 

Mafuyu removes his hand from Uenoyama’s mouth, but his hand is still very  _ firmly  _ pressing against him, and he’s having trouble thinking. 

“Y-you! I didn’t expect-“

“You said to touch you,” Mafuyu smiles, and it’s sly, and holy  _ shit  _ Uenoyama might be dying again. He might seriously be dying. 

“I  _ am _ touching you,” Mafuyu kisses him, and then slides a hand back over his mouth again as he solidly wraps his fingers around as much as he can and Uenoyama makes another pathetic noise. “Just like I’ve… been wanting to.” 

Mafuyu’s eyes are lidded, and dead serious, like they are when he sings. He’s searching Uenoyama’s face, his eyes, searching for something. Maybe just observing, watching his every  _ small  _ reaction. He’s breathing hard, just like Uenoyama, panting and breathless and hot. 

Uenoyama swallows and Mafuyu takes his hand off his mouth again. “You can do whatever you want _.”  _

Mafuyu inhales sharply, and Uenoyama would be lying if it didn't make him a little dizzy. 

And then, suddenly, they're kissing again. 

It's different than all their other kisses. It's hot and deep, and Uenoyama isn't scared about accidentally breaking Mafuyu by pressing too hard now. Mafuyu’s hand leaves his crotch and instead comes up to rest on his chest as the other finds a place somewhere in the sheets. 

And they kiss, and kiss, and at some point one of them opens their lips and then tongues are swiping, but it's not aggressive at all. He thought tongue kissing would be aggressive and intense and gross, but it's just…the softest swiping against lips. Against and in between. It makes Uenoyama’s head even more fuzzy than it already was. 

“Uenoyama,” Mafuyu suddenly pants against his lips. 

Uenoyama hums, he feels drunk, trying to lean back into those addictive lips. 

“I love you.” 

Uenoyama freezes, heart jumping in his chest. He blinks his eyes open all the way, looks at the ache in Mafuyu’s face. That stupid, awful ache that never fully goes away. 

“I love you too,” he breathes. 

“W-we need to be quiet if we’re gonna do anything,” Mafuyu says, eyes fluttering quickly down to his lips and then back up. 

“Okay,” Uenoyama whispers. He can be quiet, he thinks. He just wants to touch.  _ So  _ bad. 

Mafuyu huffs a weak laugh again, and ducks his face down and presses against his chest. “W-well if I’m honest I don’t know if we should go all the way if you make noise with so little-“

“Okay! Okay,” Uenoyama desperately tries to change the subject, face flaming and heart pounding in embarrassment. 

And he can’t even deny it, so instead he ducks down and cups Mafuyu’s face in two hands, and drags him into another kiss. 

_ This is happening,  _ he thinks in the back of his head.  _ I’m going to get to hold Mafuyu and touch him just like I’ve been wanting to.  _

“I don’t really,” he pants, running out of air in the middle of his sentence. “I don’t really care what we do, as long as you’re comfortable.” 

Mafuyu blinks down at him. Uenoyama blinks back, and he can’t read his face at all, but he keeps his hands cupping his cheeks. 

“I…” Mafuyu’s voice cracks, and he swallows, and his eyes flutter. “I don’t know how I deserve you-“

Uenoyama mentally scoffs, pulling him back in to shut him up with his lips. And he doesn’t really know why Mafuyu says stuff like that, about not deserving things. Uenoyama doesn't fully know what happened with Yuki, and he doesn't need to, but he doesn't understand what could've happened to make Mafuyu doubt himself. 

But it's no matter. Uenoyama kisses him until he melts, and they're breathing deeply, and Uenoyama is holding him down with a hug. Trying to erase bad memories and any sort of doubts running through Mafuyu’s pretty head. 

But…but then Mafuyu shifts his hips, purposeful or not, and brushes against Uenoyama's crotch and his breath hitches obviously. Mafuyu huffs against his mouth, and then kisses him  _ harder,  _ and does it again. 

Does it again, and again, and Uenoyama knows what's happening is that he's  _ grinding  _ on him, but honestly thinking about it like that might send him into cardiac arrest. Mafuyu grinding on his lap and kissing him like he needs to breathe? He might pass out. 

And need is coursing through him, he’s still clutching at Mafuyu’s back, hands fisted in his t-shirt, but he desperately wants to feel skin. He wants to..he wants to rake his nails down Mafuyu’s back and make him gasp, and maybe hear him moan, and- yeah. He's getting too excited. 

Mafuyu hums against his lips, and Uenoyama opens his eyes to see his boyfriend's face, all scrunched up in concentration. So pretty…

Mafuyu shifts again, scooting down and then closer, and at the same time he slides both of his hands up under Uenoyama’s shirt and grinds something  _ new _ against him. 

And Uenoyama can't kiss him anymore, cause he's absolutely frozen. Mafuyu's hands are warm, and he can feel calluses from the guitar on the tips of his fingers, and they feel so  _ good  _ against his stomach… 

And that other thing. It feels weird..it feels really weird, and different, and Uenoyama couldn't describe it even if he tried. It's firm, but not as firm as the rest of him. 

It feels weird, but it also feels  _ super hot.  _

He makes a noise the next time Mafuyu rolls, and Mafuyu makes a sound too. It's high pitched and Uenoyama feels it in his soul, even if he can't decipher what exactly it  _ was.  _

Woah, this is getting real. This is getting more intense.

Suddenly he's too hot, and he can't stop himself from scrambling to touch under Mafuyu’s shirt, making another weak needy sound when his hands touch skin. He's soft. Uenoyama  _ knew  _ he'd be soft. He's soft and so so warm. 

And his hips start rocking up on their own accord, and he's  _ aching,  _ his jeans are too tight. Mafuyu is making small noises sometimes, little high hums and gasps and its driving Uenoyama mad. He's going insane. He wants to scratch down and get more noises from his boyfriend but he holds back. He's too fragile, Uenoyama wants to treat him like glass just as much as he wants to shatter him to pieces. This time he needs to treat him like glass, though… 

He wants to do more. He wants to touch more, and feel more..

“C-can I-”

Mafuyu gulps, nodding against his lips and then in one smooth movement they're rolling. Mafuyu slides off to the side, and Uenoyama follows him without taking their faces away from each other. And Mafuyu’s thighs are spread now, shifting so they're hooked around Uenoyama's hips, and it's so… God this is so hot. 

Mafuyu's breathing hard, under him, his eyes are barely open and glued to Uenoyama’s lips, his strawberry hair splayed beautifully against the mattress. His cheeks are tinted red and Uenoyama wants to kiss him until he dies. 

Mafuyu tangles his hands in Uenoyama's hair and drags him back down into a kiss. It's hard and sloppy and so unlike all their other kisses, but somehow just as good. It's filled with need and desperation and built up want. 

He hesitantly drops his hips again, unsure how to move, unsure what's too hard and what's not enough. His brows are furrowed in concentration, and Mafuyu is kissing him, and he feels warm all over, especially down where their hips are connected. It's hesitant, but he tries to roll his body like Mafuyu did, putting pressure between them where they both need it. 

Mafuyu breaks the kiss, and pants, and drags Uenoyama's head down to press into the skin of his neck. “Kiss me h-here.” 

Uenoyama's head spins with arousal, tentatively kissing soft skin. “Like this?”

Mafuyu nods. Uenoyama does it again, and again, and he doesn't know quite how to kiss someone's neck but he tries parting his lips just a bit to lick there a little too. Mafuyu's hips squirm under him, and his hands travel down, down, and Uenoyama can feel them all over his body. 

“Here,” Mafuyu whispers, breathless and weak, grabbing the small of his back and pulling. 

And it pulls them together more firmly, and Mafuyu lets out just the smallest moan, but Uenoyama needs to squeeze his eyes shut just to avoid exploding right there and then. 

“M-more Uenoyama-kun,” he whispers, voice scratchy. “Harder.” 

So he does go harder. He rolls his hips deep and hard, goes on how he feels, how if he rolls certain ways it feels better. Mafuyu’s panting, and at some point Uenoyama is pretty sure he feels a throb beneath his hips but tries not to read into it in fear that he’ll freeze again. 

“You can-“ Mafuyu inhales sharply at one roll, “you can b-bite me if you want.” 

Uenoyama makes a little noise in the back of his throat at the thought, panting against soft skin so close to his mouth. “Don’t wanna hurt you.” 

Mafuyu breathes weakly, and Uenoyama can sense he’s smiling but he doesn’t say anything. He pulls harder at Uenoyama’s back, rolls his hips up to meet him. Faster. Deeper. 

“Uenoyama-kun,” Mafuyu gasps, tilting his head as Uenoyama kisses all across his neck. “I really- _ mmn _ -I really like when you wear- those r-ripped jeans..” 

And god help him. Uenoyama feels like he might burn up. That little noise, that compliment. He’s going to wear ripped jeans for the rest of his life now. Screw sweats, screw nice clean jeans. If wearing ripped jeans gets Mafuyu like  _ this?  _ He’ll do it till he dies. 

“Noted,” he wheezes. 

Mafuyu’s hand slides up his back, and Uenoyama feels the faintest hint of nails and yeah, he needs his jeans off. He needs all of his clothes off, and all of  _ Mafuyu’s  _ clothes off, but is that… is that okay? That’s a lot, he probably shouldn’t ask-

“I-I need-“ 

“Me too,” Uenoyama gasps, nodding into the hot skin of his boyfriend's neck, unable to think past blind agreement. Whatever Mafuyu needs. 

Thumbs hook under the waistband of his jeans and it sends shockwaves up his spine, his hips jolting forward. It’s so hot, he’s going to burn up. Isn’t Mafuyu hot? 

“P-push them down,” Mafuyu pants. 

“A-all the way?” Uenoyama’s heart is in his throat. Is it really okay? He’s gonna die if Mafuyu sees  _ that _ . He’s gonna die. 

“Too much work,” Mafuyu says weakly, pressing his forehead into the crook of Uenoyama’s neck. “Hurry.” 

And hell, he’s too weak to deny a request like that. He’s nervous but  _ god  _ Mafuyu is  _ needy,  _ Uenoyama’s never seen him needy, never seen him so…  _ demanding _ . Screw him if he’s never been so attracted to a person in his life. 

So he scrambles to unbutton the front of his jeans, hating how he has to sit up, hating how awkward he is and how many times he fumbles and trembles before he finally pops it open. He hears Mafuyu panting, hears a pop of his jeans too and a zipper, but he can’t bring himself to look. 

Mafuyu whines, and that shocks Uenoyama back into attention just quick enough to see him push his own jeans down his hips, to see the red, pretty curve of his dick- 

And then Mafuyu is kissing him, a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him back down. His brain is short circuiting. Mafuyu’s… fuck he’s short circuiting. He’s trying to get himself to kiss back but he’s pretty sure it’s not working. 

Mafuyu breaks the kiss, and presses his lips against Uenoyama’s cheek, breath wet and heavy, “U-Uenoyama-kun, are you alright? What’s-” 

“ _ This is crazy _ ,” he breathes, head spinning, blood pumping. 

“We can stop-“

“I don’t want to,” he mutters. God he needs to get it together. “Just.. h-hang on. I think my heart might explode.” 

“Huh?” 

“Nothing,” Uenoyama whispers. That was embarrassing. He’s  _ embarrassing.  _

“Kiss me?” 

It’s small, and gentle, but it’s not really a question. Mafuyu’s kissing him again before he can answer. And it’s good, he sighs out anxiety and just kisses his boyfriend. His beautiful, talented, deep,  _ hot  _ boyfriend. 

“Can mouths get hotter the more you kiss?” He thinks numbly. Mafuyu’s mouth is really hot now. 

“Maybe,” Mafuyu whispers. His eyes are lidded and his cheeks are red. “Feels like it.”

“You’re really warm,” Uenoyama mumbles, head dropping down to Mafuyu’s neck again. He mindlessly presses his lips against it and Mafuyu’s breath hitches. Pauses? Uenoyama doesnt know. 

“Uenoyama-kun.”

It sounds like a plea, it's airy and it doesn’t sound like Mafuyu at all. It takes all the breath from Uenoyama’s lungs, and he might have moaned just a little bit, but who could blame him?

And he gives up, then. He gives up trying to keep himself in control, gives up trying to be careful and delicate. His body clearly wants something else, and so does Mafuyu, so screw it, right?

Uenoyama opens his mouth and bites down on Mafuyu’s neck, relishing in the light taste of sweat, the sharp, delicious gasp it causes. Immediately Mafuyu’s hands shoot down to his hips and shove Uenoyama’s pants and boxers off his hips, and pull him close again, rolling them together. 

“ _ HAH!” _

“Shh!” Mafuyu uses one hand to press Uenoyama’s face harder against his skin, trying to quiet him, but Uenoyama isn't sure it’s going to work. 

He feels like he just got the craziest vertigo, his head fuzzy and dizzy and  _ heavy,  _ like whiplash but one that feels  _ good.  _ Mafuyu’s pressed against him, and it's hot and silky and oddly hard. It feels really good. 

“B-bite again,” Mafuyu says weakly. A distant part of him, a part that isn't grinding against his boyfriend and sinking his teeth into skin, has this sick thought that Yuuki probably never needed to be coddled like this. He probably had confidence and- 

Oh “ _ fuck..” _

Mafuyu gasps, loud and right next to his ear, his hand wrapping firmly around  _ both  _ of them, warm and soft. Uenoyama’s head is spinning, his hips rock forward subconsciously, against Mafuyu’s dick and into his palm. 

“Is this-” Uenoyama wheezes, too out of breath to finish, “okay?”

Mafuyu huffs a weak laugh, and its so breathless and weak and gorgeous Uenoyama almost shivers. “I’m the one who started to do-do it, right?”

Uenoyama nods. Fair. 

“D-does it feel okay?” Mafuyu whispers, voice shaking as Uenoyama rocks against him again. 

“Yeah. More than okay.” 

Mafuyu gasps again, and Uenoyama squeezes his eyes shut at the sheer arousal that lances throughout his body. God he’s so hot. How can a gasp even  _ be  _ that hot. 

“Move,” Mafuyu whispers, the hand on the back of his head presses him closer again and Uenoyama starts subconsciously licking and kissing and nipping at the skin of Mafuyu’s neck. “D-don't think about it.”

_ Don't think about it.. _

Uenoyama can do that. Definitely. 

So he does. He rocks forwards, and pants again skin that's becoming very familiar, and feels the glide shoot sparks up his back. Mafuyu’s hand can't reach around the both of them, and Uenoyama is a little bigger than him, so when he rocks all the way he passes through a warm palm. 

He pulls back a little, and does it again. He feels a twitch under him, and Mafuyu makes a little sound that Uenoyama can't quite explain. 

“Y-yeah,” Mafuyu gasps, voice high. “T-thats-”

“Good,” Uenoyama grunts, doing it again. Mafuyu nods. 

And then he sort of loses it. His mind goes foggy and he feels like magma, rocking his hips in and out of Mafuyu’s palm. That hand starts moving too, stroking them, and slickness from the both of them start collecting to make it smoother. 

Mafuyu's gasps are like the prettiest music he's ever heard. Prettier than piano, prettier than the most intricate violin, prettier than every single time Mafuyu’s sang to him before. 

“ _ Hah,”  _ Mafuyu gasps, a little louder, his back arching in the most beautiful way, up into Uenoyama's hips. 

“Hm?”

“It's been..a l-long time,” Mafuyu whispers weakly, hips working in time with Uenoyama, hand moving quicker, tighter. 

And that hurts, a little distantly, he thinks it'll probably always suck that nothing he can give Mafuyu will be new. There was always something before.

A whine from below brings him back, and he nips a little harder at reddened skin, trying to push the thoughts away fully. 

“Y-youre…”

Uenoyama leans closer, trying not to moan, bringing his ear close to Mafuyu’s mouth. He sounds so weak and breathless and  _ gorgeous. _

“You're b-big-”

And he can't help but moan at that, how  _ couldn't  _ he, moaning deep and guttural into Mafuyu’s neck, twitching in his hand, hips stuttering. Mafuyu laughs weakly, soft and sweet and once again sneaks his hand around to cover Uenoyama’s mouth. 

“ _ Shh-” _

“You can't just say stuff like that and not expect me to react,” Uenoyama grunts, brows furrowing. 

“S-sorry,” Mafuyu wheezes, breath hitching as Uenoyama sets to rocking ( _ thrusting?)  _ a little harder, a little quicker. “ _ Mmn!” _

Uenoyama's heart throbs in his chest, and he makes a strained noise, hips moving on their own, faster and faster, he can feel his gut winding tighter, arousal shooting through him constantly. 

“Uenoy-yama,” Mafuyu moans quietly, shooting stars into Uenoyama's vision at just how  _ hot- _ “Kiss me.” 

So he does, he raises up just enough to press their lips together, wet and weak. It's more like they're just panting against each other than kissing, both of them making little noises, swallowing it with lips. 

And then Mafuyu’s head tilts back, a desperate gasp ( _ desperate!!!!)  _ breaking past his lips. And Uenoyama is way too far gone. He's.. 

“C-close,” he moans, as quietly as he can, fingers tingling as he rocks his hips. “Mafuyu..”

“Me t- _ too-” _

And it's so hard to keep his voice in check as he starts falling over the peak, it's so hard, he wants to let out the moan threatening to rip his chest in two but he  _ can't.  _ His hips stutter, and he can feel the sparks going off in his head and his heart is pounding as he spills all over Mafuyu’s fist. He wants to bite, just so he keeps his voice down, but he doesn’t trust himself not to leave a mark. 

It makes him dizzy, burning up all over. It’s the most loud, blinding crescendo, the most overwhelming applause.

And then Mafuyu makes this pleasured little squeaking noise, if a person can even  _ do  _ that, and then he’s coming too, something hot splattering against him, and making him shiver. 

It feels like it lasts forever. His hips slow down, but he can’t stop them all together, pleasure still coursing through his body. Mafuyu shivers in his arms, and twitches once, and then seems to melt. Uenoyama isn’t quite sure when he started holding him, but one of his arms is under Mafuyu’s weight, under his shirt, against the soft sweaty skin of his back 

“Hahh,” Mafuyu breathes. 

Uenoyama gulps, throat dry, and pulls back to look. 

And jesus was  _ that  _ stupid. 

If Uenoyama thought his eyes were lidded before, they might as well be closed now. Dark, heavy, blissed out and tired. His cheeks are spotty with pink, his mouth is kissed  _ well _ , he’s panting. His strawberry hair is pushed off his forehead, splayed across Uenoyama’s duvet… 

His shirt is pushed up to his chest, and his skin is milky and gorgeous, though Uenoyama doesn’t how that happened, it’s so pretty. There are splashes of milky white on his stomach.

“S-stop staring,” Mafuyu whispers, bringing his hand up to his face, covering it with the back of his hand. 

“Sorry,” Uenoyama mutters, not really sorry. 

His arms shake where they’re holding himself up, and suddenly Mafuyu is curling into him, reaching up with two hands and curling his fists in the front of his shirt. Uenoyama blinks down at him, heart aching. Mafuyu does this when he feels a lot. When he feels overwhelmed. 

“Mafuyu-“

“C-can we just..” Mafuyu’s question is just barely above a whisper. Cracking. 

Damn it. 

“Shh,” he whispers, and he doesn’t know why, Mafuyu is dead silent, dead still, but Uenoyama shushes him anyway. Trying to quiet his head, maybe, as he slowly shifts to the side and holds a firm hand on his boyfriend’s back to keep him close. 

And their clothes are still on, and they’re sweaty and dirty and it’s awkward but none of that matters. What matters is the relief of lying down, and the odd mix of ache and adoration he feels as Mafuyu curls up against him, still clutching to his shirt for dear life. 

They lay there, turned toward each other and clinging to clothing. 

Is Mafuyu okay? Did Uenoyama step on a nerve? Did he do something wrong, or gross? Does Mafuyu not want to be looked at? No that's… no. He looks at Uenoyama all the time. The original off putting thing about him was that he made such intense eye contact. 

“You're amazing at guitar,” Mafuyu suddenly says into his chest, his voice soft and gentle and angelic. Overwhelmed. 

Uenoyama breathes in the scent of his hair, frowning. “What?”

“I never thought I could.. I never thought I would be able to.. to-”

“O-oi,” Uenoyama tries to pull back, cause  _ woah,  _ but all it does is make Mafuyu scoot closer, grip him harder. 

“Y-you made me  _ feel _ ,” Mafuyu says, a little louder. 

It causes shock to ripple through the room, just like when he sings, and the words hang in the air. 

And Uenoyama knows that’s not true. He didn’t do anything. 

“You made  _ yourself  _ feel,” he whispers into soft hair. His heart hurts. Mafuyu shut himself down before music, he still does sometimes, subconsciously. 

But he also drags himself out. Music is how he does that. Music is how  _ all  _ of them do that. Its screaming without really screaming, it’s fighting without really fighting. Music saved him, and keeps saving him, and music is how they found each other. So Mafuyu can say it’s Uenoyama, but it’s really just the music. 

“Uenoyama-kun?” 

“Hm.” 

“I really do like you, you know,” Mafuyu whispers, shuffling closer. 

And  _ bam  _ there’s that good ache in his heart again. The kind he only gets from this idiot boy in his arms. 

“I know.” 

Mafuyu sighs, and lifts his face, and Uenoyama smiles just a little at just how  _ cute  _ he is. He looks tired and happy. 

“Can we do that again?” 

Uenoyama chokes on his spit. “ _ N-now!!!”  _

“No! But at some point,” Mafuyu giggles, sweet and soft.

“Fuck, I’d hope so,” Uenoyama sighs. “You feel okay now?” 

Mafuyu just blinks at him dopily, like he’s looking instead of actually LISTENING. As it always does, that stupid empty look makes Uenoyama angry, and he’s slapping Mafuyu on the back of his head before he can stop himself. 

“ _ OI.” _

Mafuyu fake pouts, blinks all big, and then wraps his arms around Uenoyama and forces him closer before he can argue. 

“You’re so annoying,” Uenoyama grunts, hating how he’s not  _ really  _ annoyed since Mafuyu’s so cute. 

“Sleepy now.” 

Yeah. That’s okay with him. 

  
  



End file.
